No matter how it is prepared, pineapple simply does not belong on pizza. “Fruit should not be warm or cooked. Fruit should be enjoyed fresh,” senior Madi Boeckman said. Americans from New York to Chicago should rise up and unite against this abomination of a so called topping. As Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau has laid claim to this, “Canadian pizza;” we can safely say it is an un-American creation.
Junior Kristin Davis said, “Pineapple should stick to its guns and never co-mingle with pizza or other savory foods. God made there be a difference between citrusy sweet and salty spiciness…he didn’t make citrusy spices for a reason.”
President of Iceland, Guðni Th. Jóhannesson jokingly toyed with the idea of outlawing such despicable pizza. According to the New York Times, however, he later clarified that he did not have the authority to make such sweeping regulations. He said:
“I like pineapples, just not on pizza. I do not have the power to make laws which forbid people to put pineapples on their pizza. I am glad that I do not hold such power. Presidents should not have unlimited power. I would not want to hold this position if I could pass laws forbidding that which I don’t like. I would not want to live in such a country…”
Perhaps the sharpest and most straightforward rebuke of pineapple pizza lovers came from that of world renowned chef, Gordon Ramsey.
If you disagree, you can check out Ellie White’s, my fellow Editor in Chief’s, article on how pineapple is “the perfect topping for the pizza world.”